One: The Art of Letting Go

Meredith Grey once said, "I don't know why we hold onto something we know we're better off letting go of. It's like we're scared to lose what we don't even really have. Some of us say we'd rather have something than absolutely nothing, but the truth is, to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all."

I am calling this "The Art of Letting Go," because it is exactly that - art.

There isn't a certain structure of rules you have to follow, everyone's art is a little bit different; and let's be real, usually it gets a bit messy.

What I have learnt throughout my life is that all relationships are a two-way street. This means that in order for a relationship to work, effort has to be displayed by both parties in the relationship. As I've come to learn through romantic relationships and friendships, this is not always the case. If it feels like you are the only one putting in the effort to maintain the relationship and it's taking up a lot of your time & energy - let that relationship go. Prior to this journey, I cannot tell you how many relationships I have been in where I was the only one putting in the effort to maintain the communication between us. Whenever there is a lack of communication, there is always someone left in the dark - in most of my cases, that someone was always me. It was very difficult for me to come to terms with how these relationships ended - many of which I was blindsided or just simply left in the dark with no closure.

In many of those one-sided relationships I had the feeling of pure exhaustion. It was exhausting putting in so much effort into a relationship and getting nothing in return.

I decided one day to try a little experiment, & if you think that you are in a one-sided relationship, I would highly recommend doing this experiment yourself. I decided to stop initiating conversations with people in my life for a couple of days - I wanted to see who would make the effort to communicate with me without me having to initiate the conversation. I started this 'experiment' just before Jan 1, 2018, and to be honest, there are some people that I still haven't talked to since 2017. I'm not even sure if they realized I was gone. Those are the relationships that I didn't want to carry with me into the new year; those are the relationships that I had to let go of.

As time goes on, you realize that the relationship you were in was an unhealthy relationship. Unhealthy relationships are toxic - toxic for yourself and your overall wellbeing. After letting go of each unhealthy relationships in my life, it was like taking a deep breath of fresh air - the feeling is irreplaceable.

It took me a long time, 26 years to be exact, to realize that I am the type of person who cares immensely about everyone in my life and I always force that upon everyone else. But what I have come to learn is that you can't force someone to care about your relationship as much as you care about it - sometimes people just don't care enough.

I've reached the point in my life where I've mastered "The Art of Letting Go". I've learnt that communication is something that is so important in any relationship of mine - it is something that I value so deeply. "The Art of Letting Go" is not something you learn over night. I would highly recommend you take a step back and reevaluate the relationships in your life; are there any unhealthy relationships in your life, ones that cause you more exhaustion and stress than necessary? All of the relationships in your life should be with people who stand by your side no matter what; people that lift you up and push you to be the best version of yourself no matter the circumstances.

Many of the relationships I have are with people whom I would not hesitate to call my family; they know all the ins and outs of my life - they are my best friends, my tribe, and my chosen family. Without them, my life would be really boring. It sounds cliché, but I wouldn't be where I am today without each and every one of them. They are the best humans to do life with - more about them on the next post.

"The Art of Letting Go" is similar to the decluttering of people in your life. You can't choose people in your life that don't choose you back. "The Art of Letting Go" is the first element towards my journey of uncomplicated happiness.

-lyss

xoxo