Two: My Tribe & My Chosen Family

Over the past couple of years I have done a lot of reflecting. Reflecting on what I want to do with my life, what type of person I would like to become and who I would want to do life with. Fortunately, I have had some of the best people in my life. These people have been there through the ups and downs of my life - the times where shit got ugly and they were there to pick me up from what I truly believed was my rock bottom. Take a look around you. You have your given family and you have your chosen family - your chosen family and those humans that you choose to have in your life, and likewise, they choose you back.

This post ties into my previous post about "The Art of Letting Go". One of the most important elements that I learnt throughout the past couple years is choosing people in your life that also choose you back. This is something that was very difficult for me to wrap my head around because I have always been the type of person to care too much about all of my relationships - even if that meant getting nothing in return. I learnt the downfall of this in one of my romantic relationships and then through some of my friendships as well. It is important to figure out your self worth first - knowing that you deserve more than the half love that you are given by some people in your life. Why would you settle for getting half the love you deserve? Do you settle for paying for all your groceries at the store but only taking home half of what you paid for? Probably not. Being able to recognize when you are only getting half of the love you deserve was, and still is, an important element towards my journey of uncomplicated happiness.

One thing that you will learn as you get older is that not all of your friends you had while growing up will remain your friends. Some, if you're fortunate enough, will stick around through all of your growing years, but some people you just grow apart from & that is okay. As you grow, your interests change and you slowly begin to drift apart - being mature enough to accept this & move on will allow you to become happier and more whole-hearted.

I am still learning day-by-day about acceptance. As someone who cares significantly about every being in my life, acceptance is always something that I will struggle with. I know that people have taken advantage of the fact that I care too much; every day I am learning how to spot certain "half love" signs and when someone just feels they are entitled to getting all of the love and giving nothing in return.

It is an amazing feeling once you fully let go of a relationship and you have accepted the fact that your relationship will no longer be the same. But, there are times when the other person in the relationship is still hanging on and is causing negative backlash. I had a lot of trouble with this due to my closely knit group of friends. Many of my friends are friends with each other and thus we have many mutual friends - living in a smallish city, this will tend to be a common trend. Many of my close friends know that I have grown up with a lot of "half love" relationships and when my ex and I broke up, this was one of the first things that I had to re-evaluate in my life. Hence, my post about "The Art of Letting Go".

Word generally gets around fairly quickly between my friend group, and due to negative backlash, I heard some things said about me that wasn't the greatest feeling in the world. Although it was annoying to hear this, it also didn't bother me as much as I thought it would - it was just an annoyance. The only feeling I could relate this to would be if you had a fly in your room and you couldn't get this fly out. It was bothersome. Some of the best advice that I got from this negative backlash from some of my closest friends were:

"You're doing fine as is [without them in your life]"

"I know who you are and it's not how she makes you out to be"

"Don't need any negativity in your life"

"You did the right thing and just peaced it"

Seriously, choose a tribe like mine because I owe my life to My Tribe - My Chosen Family. These humans are the ones in my life whom I speak to often enough where they know the ins and outs of my life. They are the ones that I go to when I have good and bad news to share in my life. I may not talk to them every day, nor do I feel the need to, because even if we haven't spoken to each other in months, when we meet up and catch up, it is like no time has passed at all. These are the individuals that I have chosen, but most importantly, they are also the individuals that have chosen me. They make me the best version of myself. Each and every one of them have played a contributing factor into who I present myself as today.

Can you say, without a doubt, that you have chosen every relationship in your life and that

person has also chosen you back? Do you have a tribe or a chosen family that will back you up no matter what?

Being able to chose my tribe and my chosen family is the second element towards my journey of uncomplicated happiness.

-lyss

xoxo